So, my wife is gone. She does these retreats every year or two where she finds some quiet place to hole up for a day to two, read, think, plan, rest and I have to believe, take a small break from PD. I hate it when she’s gone.
It brings me face to face with things I don’t want to recognize. Like how dependent I am on her. Emotionally.
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Of course, there are minor up sides to her being gone. I find I sleep way better by myself. Yes, I realize this is one of those things we are probably not suppose to admit out loud but it’s true. I can lay down at night and wake up in the exact same position in the morning. I can get up and with a little flip of the covers the bed is made. Together, the bed sheets are pulled one way or the other and are a general mess.
Then there’s the remote. Not that this is a big problem it’s just that she doesn’t like a lot of what I do, for example, political documentaries. What’s not too love! So, when she’s gone there’s no fuss over the remote.
But I hate her being gone. It’s incredibly intriguing to me how dependent we can be on our spouses. How it can, at times, slip into an unhealthy place if we are not cognizant of our tendencies.
Now, let me be clear, I find no fault in my depending on her whole heartedly and unlike anyone else in my life. But, of course, I was given my own two feet to stand on for a reason as well.
Who do you depend on? Does your dependency at times slip toward the unhealthy? It is good to ask ourselves these questions. Our goal is balance in life. A healthy dependence, yes, but also a healthy ability to stand on our own two feet.
This next week is her birthday and Valentines, a near worthless holiday in my opinion, the latter that is…not the former. However, it is a good chance to say, “thank you”.
I want to encourage us to keep our partners in Parkinson’s, our spouses, our partners in life top of mind this week. To use Valentines not as a goofy, gauzy, sexy, all but meaningless holiday but rather as a deliberate reminder of why we love those who give so much to us.
Let’s use it as a reminder to say thank you. Maybe it’s a chance for us to back off just a little bit and not be quite so needy. Ask for less and give more. Finding ways to be present for them this week. Maybe they can’t slip away for a personal retreat day but maybe you can give them a retreat of sorts even while being at home.
Live Your Best!
Tim
